Cyndi Lauper had it right with the title of her 80′s hit: “Girls Just Want To Have Fun!”. When we girls get together we just want to sit around, chat, laugh, eat, drink and did I mention laugh??? Maybe it is because of the doom and gloom constantly found in the news that makes me want to sit and enjoy the sisterly friendship of girlfriends  over a glass of wine. But there are also scientific findings to support this activity can provide women a healthier life.

Whatever the reason, it is interesting that men don’t have that same need to connect with their guy friends like women do…my husband finds great release in watching a voetbal match or (worse!) Formula 1 race. Probably this is related to our social nature, in that we tend to solve problems by talking things through.  Whereas men tend to resolve things alone in their caves. Just ask Dr. John Gray, author of the well known “Men Are from Mars, and Women Are From Venus”, amongst other great books. According to Dr Gray:

The “wave” is  a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. When they feel full of

Our Girls Are Good For Our Health

love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. When they give to others (and don’t receive the same amount of love and attention in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman needs the love, listening, understanding and reassurance of those around her (including self love). Once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to rise like a wave and once again has love and energy to give. 

Finding support in the company of our girlfriends is also mutually beneficial. We don’t try and “solve” the crisis, we give support and reassurance which not only helps the sister in need, but it also rejuvenates our own maternal need to give support and love. Isn’t this a wonderful innate support system? A recent post that has gone viral, regarding a Stanford Psychiatry Lecture:

“The last lecture was on the mind-body connection–the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious. Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more seratonin–a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings?–rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. There’s a tendency to think that when we are “exercising” we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged–not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!

Girlfriend Power

So what if you are new to a town, or uprooted from your “support” system? Finding a new one takes time and energy. If we wait for someone to find us it could take forever. Getting out and about is key:  join a sports club, or find a coffee place you like and ask if they would organize a morning coffee once a month…inviting people to drop in and chat. Another great source for interim support is the plethora of support organizations available online…for example Girlfriendology, an “online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Basically it’s an inspiring, positive, supportive community of women who are or may become girlfriends”. Also Facebook is a great way to stay in touch and interact daily with our girl’s far and wide.

What about planning a “girlfriend getaway” with your treasured girls? I just did for next March with a group of my supportive friends, all of whom are relatively new to me, since I have only lived in The Hague for the past few years. But I know that the weekend will provide a much needed respite for all of us busy moms, wives, daughters, sisters, and entrepreneurs! The great thing is that we help one another, while we serve our own needs. Love to all my girls around the world…yes you know who you are, and I want you to know how much I treasure our friendship!